Gone
by of untold secrets
Summary: Set near the end of New Moon. Edward thinks about his relationship with Bella and struggles with the guilt of leaving her...Oneshot


**This takes place during New Moon, just before Bella wakes up and Edward apologizes to her for leaving, and all that stuff.**

**I'm not a fan of Twilight (yes, I've read the books) but this idea suddenly popped into my head and I had to write it down. So here it is.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight, sparkly vampires, or the song 'Gone' by TobyMac.**

Edward POV

I watched Bella fall asleep on her bed, her face serene and peaceful. Her face was one that I had gone for far too long without seeing.

Well, technically, I shouldn't even be seeing it now, according to her father. But I couldn't just leave her. I've already lived over half a year without Bella.

Suddenly, a soft breeze from the window fanned her smell towards me.

Oh no. My long absence hasn't improved my control over my thirst, and she smelled so delicious…

_Stop_, I told myself, trying to regain control of myself.

I felt my pockets for something to distract myself, to take my mind off of how her sweet-smelling blood pulsed under her delicate, fragile skin…I quickly shook that thought out of my head.

My hands found an iPod in the pocket of my sweater. Eagerly, I pulled it out, turned it on, and stuck the earphones into my ears. I chose the first song on the list, not caring about what it was. As it was, though, the song was 'Gone' be TobyMac.

I stopped breathing and closed my eyes, concentrating on the lyrics.

_I told the girl that you should treat her like a lady and_

_She told me all the things you did and it was shady, man_

_She said that what you say and what you do are different things_

_While you were telling me that you were checking out them blingy rings_

My eyes flew open. It was like this song was…accusing me. I completely agreed with it, though. I've hurt her, lied to her, did practically everything I could to make her life miserable.

_She said she's had enough_

_Well, it sounds to me like you're straight out of luck_

_And she said she's all through_

_And life's not blowin' her kisses thanks to you_

It would be completely reasonable for her to hate me after all that I've done to her. If she decided to leave me for somebody else, I would understand…

_I wanna know, wanna know what you were thinkin'_

_I can't imagine why it didn't even sink in_

_They say you never know what you got till it's gone_

_(Never know what you got till it's gone)_

_I wanna know, wanna know what you were thinkin'_

_I can't imagine why it didn't even sink in_

_They say you never know what you got till it's gone_

_(Never know what you got till it's gone)_

I didn't know what I was thinking when I told Bella that I didn't love her, either. At that time, my reasons were totally reasonable, but nothing was worth the pain and misery that they had caused.

_She said she's had enough_

_So, it sounds to me like your still out of love_

_And she said you weren't true_

_And life's not blowin' her kisses thanks to you_

I sighed. It was my fault that she had suffered this. If only I could right that wrong…

_She said it's gonna be alright_

_Cause God made a way through the pain and he opened her eyes_

_And she said you came crawling back_

_But after what you did to her she wouldn't have any of that_

I had come crawling back, on my hands and knees and had put her—and my entire family—in mortal danger. I was a menace. I shouldn't exist. But she needed me; I could see that. And I needed her.

_I wanna know, wanna know what you were thinkin'_

_I can't imagine why it didn't even sink in_

_They say you never know what you got till it's gone_

_(Never know what you got till it's gone)_

_I wanna know, wanna know what you were thinkin'_

_I can't imagine why it didn't even sink in_

_They say you never know what you got till it's gone_

_(Never know what you got till it's gone)_

_I wanna know, wanna know what you were thinkin'_

_I can't imagine why it didn't even sink in_

_They say you never know what you got till it's gone_

_(Never know what you got till it's gone)_

_I wanna know, wanna know what you were thinkin'_

_I can't imagine why it didn't even sink in_

_They say you never know what you got till it's gone_

_(Never know what you got till it's gone)_

The song ended with the last notes hanging forlornly in the air. Bella stirred, and her warm brown eyes opened a bit, squinting up at me. I quickly turned off the iPod and stuck it back into my pocket, mentally rehearsing apologies and explanations that I would be telling her. Soon, I would right the wrongs I had committed. I'll somehow try to make things better, if only slightly.

But would Bella accept them?

I hoped with all of my heart that she would.

**Okay, that was really bad, but oh well. I hope Edward wasn't too OOC.**

**Review anyway?**


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